Are the Golden Globes just pyrite?

Well, the biggest awards for anybody that works in the film and television industries are the Academy Awards and Emmys, respectively. These awards are of top honor, whether you find them to be politically biased or not. Just to be nominated is such an honor, and, as Steven Spielberg told us last year during the Oscar ceremony, basically, anyone who is nominated is also a winner. So, let’s push these awards out of the way, because the other sibling that no one pays attention to is on tonight. That’s right. The Golden Globes. Are they worth giving a shit about? Yes and no. Okay, a very big no, but still a bit of a yes. Here’s why.

I guess winning the world instead of a man is also a bit of an inferiority complex, guys

The biggest problems with the golden globe awards are as follows:

5) They’re big awards of artforms that, well, already have bigger awards to aim for.
As discussed before, we already have the Emmys and the Oscars. Why do we need the Golden Globes? Then again, we have so many other awards shows for both tv and movies, but most of those aren’t promoted nearly as much as the Golden Globes. The others work as their own respective ceremonies, while the Golden Globes tries to promote itself as on-par with the biggest ceremonies there are. Why does it not compare? Keep reading.

Cutting to a commercial break at the Golden Globes means the bar's open

4) The combination of both films and television shows doesn’t make the ceremony bigger or more grande; It just makes it more casual.
You’d think that combining both industries would make this the ultimate show, but it ends up being more of a friendly one. Yes, there are more winners for acting categories and for the two biggest (best film/show), but since both are combined, are these awards that much more significant? They are not. There is no definitive or “top” prize to close off with a bang or to lead up to. It’s like if you had a race at the fair. If there’s just one, it would be the event of the day. If you have many races for many different kinds (cars, bikes, running, roller blading, seal, etc), it won’t seem nearly as important.

But how can seals race when they've been put to sleep by the ever-so-dramatic Golden Globes? Have some respect, guys.

Combining both doesn’t work the way the wonder twins do. We thrive for the best of the best, not just the many many winners, which leads me to my next point.

3) The Golden Globes nominate some VERY questionable people/films.
But this isn’t entirely their faults. The golden globes don’t just have two mediums to award, they have two styles. They have separate categories for drama and comedy/musical. This seemed far more important back when it was first created in 1944, but really, it’s not that important now. How many musicals or comedies will be even nominated? How many have won the hearts of the critics? Not too many recently. This year, comedy seems to have been a good and successful genre, so that’s not too much to worry about (unlike last year, where Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie were nominated for their comedic roles… in a serious movie).

"Quick! We gotta pretend this was a comedy and not just a hilariously bad film."

Not only are they trying to branch out, they’re forced to. Sometimes the nominees they pick are really like they are grasping at straws. This year, we have Owen Wilson as a nominee for his acting (really?) and apparently My Week with Marilyn is a comedy instead of just an occasionally lighthearted biopic. It could be worse (believe me, it has been), but can you see where I’m going with this? Instead of making us feel good about the large variety, we’re almost annoyed, and occasionally repulsed, by what gets nominated just because there are empty spots (like Burlesque last year).

2) The ceremony happens before the Oscar nominations are even out
I guess this excludes the Emmys, which, actually makes this point even better. The Emmys have already happened, so, why wait to see what sloppy seconds there are? Alright, back to the Academy Awards. This year we haven’t had the nominees released yet, so there isn’t any form of excitement in regards to that. Sure you can say the Golden Globes are a good indication as to what MAY win, but let me remind you. Last year Halle Berry was nominated for a movie that ended up being completely ripped apart and shat on. This year, In the Land of Blood and Honey was nominated, and that too ended up not being as good as people thought it would be (thanks again, you lying assholes). The Oscar nominations are released once the year’s over and we have had time to digest just what on earth we have watched. The Golden Globes try too hard to be too early, thus becoming rushed, especially when clearly there isn’t any form of competition for them to have to hurry. As we learned from the story of the tortoise and the hare, you shouldn’t sleep during a race because it’s friggen stupid. Oh, and I guess slow and steady wins the race.

We also learned that steroids do mean things to an athlete.

1) The winners/nominees really don’t care
Plain and simple. For the above reasons, and maybe some others, they just do not care. Listen to some of their acceptance speeches. There aren’t any tears or words of wisdom and passion. Most of them are shout outs to friends and how cool this is and the like. It’s far more casual and the winners couldn’t care less. I don’t have to go too deep into this, but here, I think comparing the two speeches of Natalie Portman winning both awards will show what I mean the best.

Natalie Portman winning an Oscar. Annnnnddddd....

...her winning a Golden Globe. Point made?

BUT LET’S BE OPTIMISTIC HERE,
which may be hard after so much cynicism.
The Golden Globes aren’t completely pointless because, as stated, they’re casual fun. They’re the calm before the storm, and a very minor look at what may end up happening at the Oscars. It’s for those of us who want just a few hours of fun and not a deep look with some serious thought. So, why not have a prediction? I feel that these nominees will win tonight, and if I’m wrong you have every right to tell me/beat me over the head about it (but if I am right, buy me some beer).

if you don’t want to read this large wall of text, just skip it, but there’s nothing of importance after so you may as well just read it.

Best picture-Drama
The Descendants
The Help
Hugo
The Ides of March
Moneyball
War Horse

Best Actress-Drama
Glenn Close-Albert Nobbs
Viola Davis-The Help
Rooney Mara-The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
Meryl Streep-The Iron Lady
Tilda Swinton-We Need to Talk About Kevin

Best Actor-Drama
George Clooney-The Descendants
Leonardo DiCaprio-J. Edgar
Michael Fassbender-Shame
Ryan Gosling-The Ides of March
Brad Pitt-Moneyball

Best Picture-Comedy/Musical
50/50
The Artist
Bridesmaids
Midnight in Paris
My Week With Marilyn

Best Actress-Comedy/Musical
Jodie Foster-Carnage
Charlize Theron-Young Adult
Kristen Wiig-Bridesmaids
Michelle Williams-My Week with Marilyn
Kate Winslet-Carnage

Best Actor-Comedy/Musical
Jean Dujardin-The Artist
Brendan Gleeson-The Guard
Joseph Gordon-Levitt-50/50
Ryan Gosling-Crazy, Stupid, Love
Owen Wilson-Midnight in Paris

Best Animated Film
The Adventures of Tintin
Arthur Christmas
Cars 2
Puss In Boots
Rango

Best Foreign Film
The Flowers of War
In the Land of Blood and Honey
The Kid with a Bike
A Seperation
The Skin I Live In

Best Supporting Actress
Berenice Bejo-The Artist
Jessica Chastain-The Help
Janet McTeer-Albert Nobbs
Octavia Spencer-The Help
Shailene Woodley-The Descendants

Best Supporting Actor
Kenneth Branagh-My Week with Marilyn
Albert Brooks-Drive
Jonah Hill-Moneyball
Viggo Mortensen-A Dangerous Method
Christopher Plummer-Beginners 

Best Director
Woody Allen-Midnight in Paris
George Clooney-The Ides of March
Michael Hazanavicius-The Artist
Alexander Payne-The Descendants
Martin Scorsese-Hugo

Best Screenplay
Woody Allen-Midnight in Paris
George Clooney, Heslov, Beau Willimon-The Ides of March
Michel Hazanavicius-The Artist
Alexander Payne, Nat Faxon, Jim Rash-The Descendants
Stan Chervin, Steven Zaillian, Aaron Sorkin-Moneyball 

Best Original Score
Ludovic Bource-The Artist

Abel Korzeniowski-W.E.
Trent Reznor, Atticus Ross-The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
Howard Shore-Hugo
John Williams-War Horse

and finally
Best Original Song
Hello Hello-Gnomeo & Juliet
The Keeper-Machine Gun Preacher
Lay Your Head Down-Albert Nobbs
The Living Proof-The Help
Masterpiece-W.E.

If you made it this far, 1) God help you, and 2) I clearly don't have a favorite to win here

Best of luck to everyone, and don’t listen to me. I’m a blogger, what the hell do I know?

-Enjoy the Golden Globes everyone!

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One Response to Are the Golden Globes just pyrite?

  1. Merz. says:

    Your last Point is so true! The winners truly don’t care as much

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